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Subject:Prey - cinematic drivel destined to land in Obscureville
Time:06:35 pm
“Prey” is the arnch-tastic, bite-olicious, cinematic drivel destined to land in Obscureville or Makefunofland. This chomp-olistic mess is shamefully directed by Darrell Roodt and the downright pudency of writing is brought to us by Beau Bauman, Jeff Wadlow and Darrell Roodt.

When Dad the engineer is sent to Africa to work on a dam, he brings his two children, a pre-teen son David and teenaged daughter Jessica, and new wife Amy along for a trip of a lifetime. Jessica, played by Carly Schroeder, shamelessly goes after Amy, driving the my-mama-was-replaced-by-your-skinny-stupid-ass-sword deep into her with a series of uncalled for low blows and teenaged angst. After spending a night in their plush accommodations, Amy, Jessica, and David, head off to see African animals in their natural habitat as Dad goes off to work on the dam. When Jessica, gets annoyed she is seeing no animals, the ranger driving them around to see the animals decides to go off off-roading. David has to go to the bathroom and he and the ranger get out of the car. This is where the fun begins.

A lioness, hiding in the lion colored grasses appears and begins to stalk David. Luckily, the hawk eyed ranger helps David escape the jaws of the hungry lion. Unluckily though, the ranger is eaten, his blood poured all over the car in the mauling. Now stuck with no keys to the ranger truck, they are stuck waiting for someone to come and find them. Lion after lion attacks them, attempts to eat them and has no luck. Dad hires a private hunt guide, and attempts to find them.

I don’t know how the people in this movie even survived the birthing process they are so stupid. Every person who is killed in the movie is killed because they were being Gomer Pile stupid! They might as well kill a gazelle, roll around in its blood and walk up to a starving pride of lions, screaming. They constantly put themselves in the position to be eaten, try to outrun a lion, and drive like they’ve never actually been behind the wheel before.

The lions can’t even be consistent. They will attack a group of two but not a group of four but a little later they’ll attack a different group of four. They happily attack the toe headed blond Anglo folks but at first seem to have no taste for African people. The lions are also the most precise eaters in the history of the animal kingdom. During their feeding, people stay in their death position and when they’re done, there is a perfect and complete bloody skeleton left on the ground. Contrary to nature, in yet another way, the male lions even help in the hunts. Some of the lions will attack the truck but others will not. The lions are the only reason to watch the movie though; the acting isn’t going to draw anyone to the movie.

Amy, played by, Bridget Moynahan, gives a yawn inspiring performance. She is frightened when she should be calm and calm when all good sense says to be afraid. There are scenes where she is incredibly irrational even when she finally has the upper hand.

Dad, Peter Weller’s character, tries to be a bad ass but he couldn’t stretch his machismo around his waist. Oh yeah, and he is stupid. There is a scene where he drives to the top of a hill and he sees something at the bottom he wants to check out. Does he drive his car down the hill? Wouldn’t that be: Faster? Easier? Use less personal energy when in the dessert? Yes. Is it what he does? Not by the hair on his chinny-chin-chin. He runs down it, for what seems like a mile, through the lion colored grass. By that point in the movie I wished he’d be eaten by lions, drop from dehydration and have vultures eat his eyes while he was alive.

“Prey” needs to pray for a screen play, better actors, a better director… You know, I’m wrong. “Prey” needs to pray that no one remembers how bad this movie is! Is there such thing as retroactive production?

LaRae Meadows
www.justpressplay.net
laraemeadows@gmail.com
http://laraemeadows.livejournal.com
http://www.myspace.com/laraemeadows
http://blog.myspace.com/laraemeadows
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Subject:Marie Antoinette - Barf
Time:01:59 pm

“Marie Antoinette”, left me fielding requests from my ears and brain to be strapped to excessive levels of dynamite and ignited. Written and directed by Sofia Coppola, “Marie Antionette” gives us another example of why it is rarely a good idea to have all of the ideas coming from one person.
Yes, it sucked Collapse )
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Subject:Proves a spy movie can be as dull as a documentary on aluminum foil
Time:11:44 pm
The Good Shepherd, directed by Robert De Niro, written by Eric Roth, and staring Matt Damon, and Angelina Jolie is one person’s hum-drum story as part of the beginning of organized espionage in the United States. Contrary to cinematic history, “The Good Shepherd” proves a spy movie can be as dull as a documentary on aluminum foil.

While he, Edward Wilson, is in college he falls in love with a deaf woman, played by Tammy Blanchard, who fills his heart. Edward Wilson, Matt Damon’s character, is recruited into the Office of Strategic Services or OCC (international espionage) out of the Skull and Bones Organization while in college.

His decision to join the world of the covert takes a heavy toll on his and his family’s personal life. In a moment of weakness though he sleeps with Clover Russell, Angelina Jolie’s character, and she gets pregnant. Wilson and Russell marry just before he is sent off into the world of the OSS. Wilson and Russell are parted for six years in which time their child is born and begins to grow up. His wife even changes her name and he doesn’t know.

Wilson’s adventures in intrigue begin by picking his assistant, Arch Cummings, played by Billy Crudup. The criteria for the assistant to a European OSS officer is as follows: 1. You must be a smart ass to your potential boss. 2. You must be able to answer the phone. The scene to find his assistant is lengthy and in the end pans out to be completely excessive. In the end his assistant could have been a gorilla painted blue for all it matters to the plot of the film.

Following the Cliché Movie Plot 101, we then meet arch nemesis, Stas Siyanko, nicknamed Ulysses. Siyanko, played by the striking Oleg Stefan, and Wilson have a respectful and surprisingly amorous relationship. Their relationship is the only part of the movie that doesn’t encourage you to study the back of your eyelids.

Wilson finally returns home to live a long and unsatisfied life with his wife and son until his wife leaves him.

The only “plot twist” is twisty as spaghetti. Who is the bad guy? Is he really a bad guy? What will Wilson do? Who cares? Not me.

The wildly passionate “moment of weakness” made me as hot as bowl of rocky road. In the world of movies today it is hard to think of two less beautiful or sexy actors as Jolie and Damon. Even so, their independent sexuality does nothing for their chemistry as a couple. Their one sex scene is awkward and cold. It left me wondering what they would look like if they were having sex with Ben Affleck.

It isn’t surprising that their sex is absent of all heat because Damon plays Wilson like a walking corpse. In the opening scene Damon walks stiffly into the frame. He must have skipped starching his clothes and chose instead to starch himself. I believe that De Niro was trying to make a point about the focused, simple demeanor of the people of the CIA and the OSS. Even so, we could have gone to a movie about how to paint a bird house if we wanted to be bored stiff.

Jolie is a beautiful and as good an actor as ever in this roll. Beauty and good acting can’t save a poorly written character. Jolie’s character is bazaar. Her life is a ping-pong game of emotional irrationalities. I expected Clover/Margaret/Who-ever to get naked, and run through the sprinkler in her front yard before renting a bazooka from the local fisherman and killing her husband with it.

Eric Roth and Robert De Nero should be congratulated for creating a new genre of spy movie, the Blah-spionage. It is a rare group of people who can de-sexify Angela Jolie, can un-hunkify Matt Damon, can bore-ify being a spy and create a tremendously idiotic plot twist. I don’t know if you have to go to school to become this drab or to gain the skills to unwind natural talent but if you don’t, Roth and Di Nero should open one.

If you decide to see “The Good Shepherd” bring someone with you. Every fifteen minutes or so take turns pinching each other or poking each other in the eye so you don’t fall asleep.

~LaRae Meadows
www.justpressplay.net
laraemeadows@gmail.com
http://laraemeadows.livejournal.com
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Subject:1st prompt
Time:03:34 pm
This Week's Prompt is:


This old house
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Subject:hello!
Time:08:52 pm
Current Mood:accomplished
So okay, this community isn't as active as it could be and it's probably my fault. I've made some changes (see the user info) to what is required to post in here and am hoping to change things for the better.

For one, I'm considering doing weekly prompts. My favorite writing community did this for a while (until the maintainer got too busy and closed it) and it was a lot of fun. Very interactive, very inspiring, and incredibly helpful all around. If you're interested or have any suggestions, please leave whatever notes in the comments.

Thanks!
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